Outside of the blog, I very rarely speak to my peers about my “passions.” Before, when I have tried, I always recieved mixed results, ranging from “Wow, that’s awesome!” to “What a weird effin’ thing to do.” But I digress- the large majority of said peer group were City Elite that could buy a chain of Wal*Marts.
There is a peer group I would like to have, but is out of my reach. The farming community. It’s so easy to read others’ blogs and comment on them on the internet, but in real life, it’s difficult to talk to the people that inspire me. My semi-romantic ideals put me on a different (lower) bar than the tractor-milking-seeding type.
I’m so far away still from what I crave, I merely look like a silly kid with a too-big dream. All I have is a goat, a blog, and a hope. I’ve got crazy skills with knitting needles and a black thumb that’s dying to be green.
My career goal, “To be a small farmer” is awkward to include a conversation about long-term plans. I don’t include the words “wife” or “mother” or “Professor in English with several P.h.Ds and a well-paying job.” Nope. I could give that all away if it meant a place with land and some critters.
This simple disillusionment that I will just “fit in” when I need to is holding me back. Deep down, I know I won’t fit in with the farming crowd until I prove myself. But what does it take?