I’ve come to realize over the past week that I’m lost. In writing this blog, the adventure to find myself, I’ve stopped caring about the “outside” world. This makes me so sad. When I re-read posts from December 2010 and January 2011, they are so pure as to what I believed in.
Now my posts are hazy and unsure of what I want in my life. It is so strange to be like this. I am unsure of everything I do. Forgetting what you believe in is something very large to forget.
I think that most of this springs from outside influence. I’m reading so many different blogs, I want to incorporate everything I like. In fact, I think I’m incorporating things I don’t like.
I’ve also stopped adventuring. That’s the other kicker. I’ve considered myself a wild girl for a long time, but since February, this wild girl’s been civilized. It makes me angry that I let that happen to me.
I’ve changed, and now I want to revert. I want to go back to the days where I wasn’t angry at everybody so much. Days where I slept peacefully. Days where I could just do something, and not worry about what’s going to happen to me afterwards. Days where I threw caution to the wind and baked when nobody else was home.
I’m ready to return. This isn’t the journey to find myself anymore, it’s just the adventure of my life.